Self Preservation

In a world full of hidden agendas, fake love, lies, and facades, it is a must, it is imperative and it is only right that you protect and guard yourself. No is a full answer. No explanation is needed or deserved. It is ok to walk away. It is ok to ignore calls, messages, and DMs. It is perfectly fine to block. (That’s my favorite option 😌) Protect ya neck! Guard ya heart! Your time, your feelings, your smile, your personality, the aura of your being is precious. Don’t let anyone underserving and unappreciative experience you. You are a gem. A rare gem that’s inaccessible. Preserve your gems. Don’t be a hard rock.

Feeling like an Imposter.

Let me get straight to a few key but pertinent points.

1. Cultural appropriation is not the move. It’s trash and it makes you…trash!

2. There’s no such thing as “reverse racism”. Please stop reaching for it! It ain’t there!

3. Hip Hop is for us and by us. (See point one.)

I’m fed up with white artists jumping on black culture for clout then crying “reverse racism” when the desired feedback isn’t there. Even when they have the number one song, they want to whine and complain. Why can’t you just appreciate the way things are, Post Malone? Shut up and enjoy your number song. (Sounds familiar or nah?) “If you’re looking to think about life, don’t listen to hip hop.” Excuse the hell out of you? How dare you disrespect Hip Hop? Maybe you can’t relate *clears throat and yells* BECAUSE IT IS NOT FOR YOU! As a young black millennial, I can think of a hip hop song for every emotion that I’m feeling. Mainstream “hip hop” may have me on the fence, but there are a plethora of hip hop artists past and present that “talk about life and spit that real shit”. Exactly what’s real about “f*cking hoes and popping pillies”? *waits for answer* Exactly! Post Malone, Miley Cyrus, and any other trash culture vultures can save that bull and have several seats.

Another One.

I celebrated another year of this thing called life. Besides realizing that I’m getting old, I really enjoyed my birthday and vacation. Met my hometown’s emerging basketball stars from Memphis Hustle, met one of my favorite RnB artists Ro James, lots of dancing and drunk karaoke, open mic nights, and a lot of spending and bad eating. (not too proud of that but hey it was my birthday! lol) Also, I finally start seeing a chiropractor! Just because I’m getting old doesn’t mean I got to feel it, right? So far, 24 is starting off right! I think I’m well on my way to living my best life!

Sweet November.

At last, my favorite month is here. My birthday, the weather changes, Thanksgiving, and the official kickoff to the holiday season, November is pretty lit! Although I’m excited, I feel anxious and clouded with emotions. I’m trying so hard to piece this perfect life that I envision years ago, and yet I feel stuck. I definitely thought I would be on the path to becoming a doctor at 24. I feel unfulfilled and far away from “living my best life”. The free-spirited, risk taker that once was a part of me has been suffocated by the complacent and comfortable person that has taken over. I think it’s time to challenge myself. It’s time I live my best life. Time to be accountable for my own happiness. Time to quit my crap job that leaves me overworked and underpaid. Time to walk away from relationships that leave me emotionally drained. Time to take that weekend trip solo. Time to gear up my health journey. Time to dance more, laugh more, and love more (only if it’s being reciprocated) and ultimately LIVE MORE! Year 24 is the year of no limits, no hesitations, no boundaries, no holding back. I’m ready. Let’s do this, Ay. 

Mi casa es su casa.

I recently started a new job as a server and if you know about the restaurant life, you know that it can get crazy. It’s been pretty busy at my job but we have had a bit on down time in between shifts. During the breaks, I got a chance to chat with two co-workers from the Philippines. Initially, I thought they were sisters, but they revealed that they are close friends and on work exchange here. They informed me on the challenges they faced to get in America, which included many documents, forms, and 27 hour flight! They expressed how grateful they were to be in America and how eager they were to become citizens. I was so impressed by their passion yet saddened by the oppression they have and honestly will continue to face due to xenophobia. This nation is an immigrant nation. To close the doors on people trying to have a better life and contribute to our nation is hypocritical and inhumane. I wish my co-workers the absolute best. I hope they become citizens because they are hard workers, sweet young ladies and they deserve to be here! 
Also, the deadline to renew DACA is October 5th! 

What the Feel.

I never show my feelings 

I never say how I really feel

I mean, I can show you in writing 

But to tell you 

Verbally 

Is beyond me 
So I let the pen speak

I loved you 

I still do

I gave love a try

I tried

But was it worth it?

Am I worth it?

Are you worthy of me? 

Worthy of my love?

Is this a worthy love? 
This is why I never show my feelings 

Hurt

Unsure of

Question 

Trust

Issues 
So I’m depend on you

I depended on you 

Tell me what it is

Tell me what it ain’t
Actually I do show my feelings 

Tears

Effort

Smiles

The lack of

Unanswered texts

The waves 

Goodbye 

Hello 

Emotional 
Never show your feelings 

Always show your feelings 

Say how you feel

Grateful.

I will be the first to admit that life puts me in my feelings. I complain about my job, I’m always annoyed about something, and I stress a lot! I try to maintain my composure but it’s not always easy. Can you blame a girl for wanting the easy life she imagines? I have stop and realize my life isn’t hard. The humble bug bites me and I thank God for the life I’m living. I’m able, sane, clothed, fed, and loved. So I encourage you to be grateful for the life you live and live it well. 

Old Skool Feels.

I’ve always considered myself an old soul. You can catch me jamming to songs released before I was born and an older person on the side yelling, “You don’t know nothing bout this here music!” Most times, I listen because it feels good! (Seriously, play Frankie Beverly and Maze “Before I Let Go” and I dare you not to dance and sing your heart out!) Sometimes I listen because it brings out emotions that I honestly try to bury. (Which isn’t healthy but that’s another post) I was listening to Deniece Williams “Silly” and as many times I’ve heard that song, I could relate to how she felt now that I’m a little older. I felt the line “Love, oh love, stop making a fool of me.” As I mentioned in a previous post, I’m fairly new to this relationship stuff. I never invested time and emotions into a significant other. I’ve always blocked it, literally and figuratively. This feeling of being foolish in the name of love is one of the reasons why. Love and relationships are hardddddd. It’s a constant battle between trying or giving up, fighting for it or letting it go, challenging or accepting. Like Ms. Williams I’m asking, what could it be in you, I see, what could it be? Love got me out here feeling silly. *sigh* Give this RnB classic a listen and tell me how you feel. Deniece Williams Silly

Not For Liberty.

Today is the NFL kickoff for the 2017 season. Colin Kaepernick is still unemployed and recently, Michael Bennett has been a victim of police brutality and racial profiling. I’m not the greatest fan of football, therefore, I can’t speak a great deal on the game. But, I can speak for humanity. I STAND WITH COLIN, MICHAEL, AND ANY OTHER PLAYER BEING DISCRIMINATED AGAINST FOR THEIR RACE AND BELIEFS. If you are in protest against the NFL, I applaud you. Thank for standing with Colin when the same organization he brought millions to rejected him. This is bigger than a game. If you aren’t protest for whatever reason, ask yourself these questions. Why can’t a black man coexist in sports and politics? Why was Colin exiled for protesting against a system responsible for innocent lives? Is a football game more valuable than a black life? Hopefully, your mentality changes and you won’t ever tell a black athlete to “Stick to football” again. 

Hella Insecure.

FAN GIRL RANT! I just want to start this rant off by saying I LOVE ISSA RAE! Her flawless melanin rich skin, her radiant smile, her exuberant personality and phenomenal talent, I just love her! I’m a bit late to #TeamIssa but I’m here now and I’m riding! I don’t watch much tv so I started watching Insecure in the second season. Let me just say…I’m shooked and hooked! Never have I been so immersed into a fictional show! Although I’m fairly new to relationships, I relate to these characters and their flaws. I see myself, my friends, and my co-workers in these characters. How many of us know a Lawrence or two?  Issa is my girl but she caught a few side eyes too. Chile, don’t get me started on Molly. It’s a hot mess that’ll have you contemplating your entire love life. Nevertheless, I’m here for it! Not only does this show pinpoint relationships, it tackles issues that young millennials face in the workforce. We know the struggle of putting in 4 or more years of die hard work in earning a degree only to work in a field that barely requires a high school diploma. It happens too often and we don’t address that enough. Black women receive lesser pay than their white male colleagues, yet you don’t hear that being brought at the dinner table either. This why Insecure is necessary. This show is giving black women a voice to say, “Hey, I’m here and my being and feelings matter.” It’s giving black women the green light to be confident in your sexuality when exploring your options and be firm in your workplace whether you’re the only minority or not. It’s eradicating the ideology that black men don’t feel emotions and ultimately debunking toxic masculinity. It’s for us and by us. It gives us a chance to come together, talk, debate, and joke (Shout to Black Twitter lol) about what’s being portrayed in each perfectly crafted episode of this groundbreaking series. So I end this rant with gratitude. Thank you Issa Rae.